I pounded on a farmhouse Lookin for a place to stay.
I was mighty
mighty tired
I had gone a long
long way.
I said
"Hey
hey
in there
Is there anybody home?" I was standin on the steps Feelin most alone.
Well
out comes a farmer
He must have thought that I was nuts.
He immediately looked at me And stuck a gun into my guts.
I fell down To my bended knees
Saying
"I dig farmers
Don t shoot me
please!" He cocked his rifle And began to shout
"You re that travelin salesman That I have heard about." I said
"No! No! No! I m a doctor and it s true
I m a clean-cut kid And I been to college
too." Then in comes his daughter Whose name was Rita.
She looked like she stepped out of La Dolce Vita.
I immediately tried to cool it With her dad
And told him what a Nice
pretty farm he had.
He said
"What do doctors Know about farms
pray tell?" I said
"I was born At the bottom of a wishing well." Well
by the dirt neath my nails I guess he knew I wouldn t lie.
"I guess you re tired," He said
kinda sly.
I said
"Yes
ten thousand miles Today I drove." He said
"I got a bed for you Underneath the stove.
Just one condition And you go to sleep right now
That you don t touch my daughter And in the morning
milk the cow." I was sleepin like a rat When I heard something jerkin .
There stood Rita Lookin just like Tony Perkins.
She said
"Would you like to take a shower? I ll show you up to the door." I said
"Oh
no! no! I ve been through this before." I knew I had to split But I didn t know how
When she said
"Would you like to take that shower
now?" Well
I couldn t leave Unless the old man chased me out
Cause I d already promised That I d milk his cows.
I had to say something To strike him very weird
So I yelled out
"I like Fidel Castro and his beard." Rita looked offended But she got out of the way
As he came charging down the stairs Sayin
"What s that I heard you say?" I said
"I like Fidel Castro
I think you heard me right," And ducked as he swung At me with all his might.
Rita mumbled something Bout her mother on the hill
As his fist hit the icebox
He said he s going to kill me If I don t get out the door In two seconds flat
"You unpatriotic
Rotten doctor Commie rat." Well
he threw a Reader s Digest At my head and I did run
I did a somersault As I seen him get his gun And crashed through the window At a hundred miles an hour
And landed fully blast In his garden flowers.
Rita said
"Come back!" As he started to load The sun was comin up And I was runnin down the road.
Well
I don t figure I ll be back There for a spell
Even though Rita moved away And got a job in a motel.
He still waits for me
Constant
on the sly.
He wants to turn me in To the F.B.I.
Me
I romp and stomp
Thankful as I romp
Without freedom of speech
I might be in the swamp.
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